Do Not Interact (DNI) Lists

Yeah, hard agree.
The problems with DNI lists are many, and while we understand boundaries and the need to exert them when the internet is so connected and overshare-ey, there is a difference between useful and reasonable boundaries and what most DNI lists functionally are. We have talked(ranted) about the usefulness and function of DNIs multiple times on multiple platforms before, and really they are at best generally useless how they are usually implemented, and at worst a tool to set up 'justified' harassment.

'Do Not Interact' means you cannot like, comment on, or reblog/retweet their posts, as that is an interaction. More direct interactions like following, DMs, etc are also not allowed. This also means you cannot do any interactions on any other platform either. This means if they interact with you in any form on any connected account, you cannot acknowledge them without violating this rule. This means that if they come onto your post and start arguing with you, you cannot defend yourself without getting called a 'boundary violator'.
The problem really comes in with the fact that the majority of DNI lists are a often unmarked hard to find external page you have to navigate to that persons profile to get that are horrendously long and hard to read. We routinely find DNI lists that are over 1k words and written in the most reader-unfriendly color combinations and fonts known to man. We are gonna be real with folks here- we are NOT reading that. We are just gonna block no matter how nice that person is.

This would still be tolerable if dumb, if DNI lists only applied to places where you can only find that person's content by going to their territory, but they do not. DNI lists apply to ANY interaction at all, anywhere. On sites where you content is contextlessly put out there, this means your usual site-standard liking and reblogging/retweeting of posts based only on the content the post shows you can easily violate DNIs, and the only way to avoid this is to exhaustively check every contributor to a post's individual personal blog and pages before you like and retweet it. If you go on A03 and read a fic and comment on it without navigating to the persons profile, typing in the MAYBE clearly displayed url, maybe hidden on a different fic link to their tumblr which links to the DNI page, and reading that, oops DNI violation! This is obviously unreasonable and counter to how these sites work. This is the thing they should KNOW no one is going to do because they very likely dont do it themselves.

So what about if DNIs are placed at the bottoms of every post. Now this is more reasonable in terms of 'people can actually know what you are asking!'. However, the majority of these DNIs are an image banner that says something like 'DNI racists, terfs, altright, freaks, gross people, nsfw'.
The first problem with this is that racists often do not know that they are racist. Any bigot usually does not. They do not think using slurs makes them a bigot, they do not think that their views are bigoted. They are not going to see that warning and know its for them. In addition, what counts as 'x-ist' enough to be a DNI violation is not clearly stated. We live in a racist society- many people have internalized this without realizing, does this subconscious internalization -even in minority its oppressing- count as a DNI violation when its technically racism?
For people like terfs and altright folks, these are the kind of people who will never respect a DNI. They are hate groups. They are not going to read this and go 'oh, my bad! I wont harass this person'. They are not going to follow the boundaries stated.
For 'freaks, gross people, nsfw' these are wobbly criteria- they are not clearly defined by any means for reasons we should not remotely have to go into- stating this is as good as not stating anything at all. These criteria vary wildly depending on who says it. These words essentially mean 'anyone I dont like and I wont say exactly who that is'. NSFW in particular can be made to mean 'you reblogged a photo of some people with the leather flag at a pride event on a platform linked to the account you touched this from so you are a EVIL GROOMER EXPOSING MINORS TO NSFW' or it could mean 'dont retweet/reblog this to a blog that 90% erotic artwork im a minor thanks'.

This makes DNI lists largely useless for the majority of the things on them for their intended purpose of cutting down interactions the person isnt comfortable with- as most of the groups on them will not care about your boundaries or will not know they count on your boundaries if they even see the thing in the first place- and most people will only see the DNI if they are looking to follow the person.

The only things on a DNI that are 1, concrete, and 2, recognizable to the people who it applies to, and 3 are things that are likely to be followed *at all* are Intracommunity Slapfight discourse opinions, or small one-off things like 'dont interact if you have a dog profile pic'.
These are often only one or two per person or less, and unless you are in specific, more hidden communities, opens you up to randos trolling you for having it visible on your posts or in your hoverbio.

So if they by and large dont materially cut down on interactions the owners of a dni arent comfortable with, and they arent clear, short, easy-to-read, and visible to anyone BEFORE they do an interaction of any kind, what purpose do DNIs ACTUALLY serve that cant be done by a BYF?

Its for harassment bait.

The owner of a DNI is justified in the SJ-o-sphere for calling out and/or lashing out at those who violate a DNI. Their friends will follow suit and they can have the victory-vidication-punishing rush of attacking someone who was Bad.

The DNI only serves at this point, if they arent doing all of their other alleged purposes, to be a tool to set up 'justified' harassment. Mindless reblogging/retweeting is how you use tumblr and twitter. No one in their right mind looks at the op of every post and every person in the post to look at their desktop main blog theme and sleuth around for a hidden DNI before they like or reblog a post. We can all but guarantee they arent doing what they want others to do in this fashion- its hypocrisy and they know it. They know this is how the site works. So when they want a target, they dig through their posts and can drag one up easily to attack. Then because this person 'violated boundaries' they get social cred for defending themselves and 'calling out an evil abuser'. This gives people with a DNI, at any time, license to harass among their social circle.

For those that do not harass, it gives social cred with the same crowd- you flash your expected teeth and boundaries like all the other people in the group have. Youve said all the right things- you are so pure and good you dont let badness touch anything of yours uwu.

Note this is not everyone with a DNI, but its a large enough portion that a separate-page DNI is a red flag for us in of itself.

A BYF/'do not follow if' does everything the DNI does in the flashing your opinions to find like-minded people. If there are people you literally Cannot interact with even a little bit and thus need a DNI, then it ought to be clearly visible on anything and everything of yours that could be spread around. If your list of people you cannot interact with is very very long, consider having a locked account. Consider not doing social media where your posts can be removed from your control.
If someone has a DNI, and they dont place the contents of it very visibly- at the very least texually visible in the hoverbio, then we are forced to assume its a trap, actually. Because at that point its very clearly not about making sure your boundaries are visible.
Its often not a trap- its often a byf or 'do not follow if' but people are using the popular dni name. But sometimes it is, and we cannot and will not take that chance.

I have mixed opinions on DNIs. I don't have much of a problem with people mixing DNIs and BYFs, because ultimately they serve the same purpose. I don't see a problem with people using DNIs to say, for example, a minor doesn't want adults to follow them or vice versa, or to say an opinion that the person may feel strongly about, or to state something that makes them uncomfortable/a trauma/etc. I use a DNI (mostly for simplicity's sake, but also) to say a few opinions that people might disagree with me on, as a forewarning that they might not like my opinions on certain topics. Do I really care if somebody interacts with my stuff even if they go against my DNI? No, usually I don't care. 99% of the time I don't even check who interacts with my stuff for it to matter. But at the same time, there are some circumstances where, yea, I really don't want specific people interacting with my stuff, and putting things on a DNI generally keeps people who I strongly disagree with to also not want to interact with me. - I honestly use a DNI for others' comfort rather than for mine when it comes to the opinions I feel strongly about.

I try not to be chronically online, so I stay away from the drama of people disrespecting DNIs and the bullying that can come from that. I am sure it happens, but honestly, I can't bring myself to care because, I'm gonna bet it's mostly kids doing that shit; it's just fandom tumblr circa 2010's all over again - whatever, I've been there done that, not touching it with a 10-foot pole. I am a big proponent of using the block button liberally, and when somebody puts a DNI on every single post they make I tend to just block them to begin with.

I honestly have a big problem with people putting things like "racists/homophobes/TERFs/Nazis/etc." on DNI lists. For one, nobody who self-identifies as a TERF or a Nazi is going to respect a DNI. There is literally no point to it other than to virtue signal and say 'uwu I'm a good one'. Not to mention, crypto-TERFs will usually put TERFs on a DNI for the sole purpose of going "I'm not a TERF look it's on my DNI uwu." Secondly, I also have a problem when people mix important shit like being against TERFs and Nazis in a DNI that also includes things as dumb and mundane as liking Steven Universe or Detroit: Become Human. It has the implication that liking something that the other person deems "too problematic" is as bad as being a literal nazi. It is super disrespectful to say liking a specific show that some 12 y/o said is "problematic" is as bad as thinking trans people shouldn't exist. Fucking boggles my mind.

I agree with so much of this thread. I have very mixed feelings on DNIs. To me they're more useful in expressing niche positions within a community; a transphobe is just going to ignore a DNI on their way to harass a trans person, but a person active in the Jewish community tag on Tumblr might put zionists in their DNI to express that they don't want someone to follow them who might make them uncomfortable and would actually abide by the DNI. But more often than not all I see is stuff like "racists DNI," which, let's be honest, is not going to make racists say "oh, I'm racist, I shouldn't like their posts." I also never really check the blog of the OP whose post I'm interacting with a hundred reblogs down the line, and if they wanted to scour through mine to see which number on their list I violate then call me out for it when I probably didn't even glance at their url, that's on them.

However... I have a bit of an issue with the first post in this thread. To sum it up as "it's bad to not want to interact with someone with 'different opinions' than you" is a bit of an oversimplification. I would gladly be friends with someone who disagrees with me on the specifications of something like, say, whether "alterhuman" is a good term or not -- and I am. But as a trans and Jewish person I should not be expected to concede to and be friendly towards nazis and terfs, which are the main two groups I see on a lot of DNIs and which are two groups that, frankly, want me as an individual to suffer. I cut those people out of my life. That's not differentiating opinions, it's not stifling diversity; it's my own safety.

I understand something like adding NSFW or anything you personally find uncomfortable to a DNI, like things that are not explicitly bad but you don't want to see interacting with you. I personally have "zoophiles DNI" in my bio on twitter and tumblr because although there are technically-zoos who are just people struggling with a paraphilia, if they talk about it openly, I don't want to be around it, and would feel bad blocking those people without them being aware that I'm only blocking because it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and not because I think they're evil for having thoughts they can't control. Mochi, the little of our system, has NSFW DNI in pups bio because pup is mentally a minor and is VERY uncomfortable with NSFW things. I never thought about "NSFW DNI" being as vague as The Dragonheart Collective described, but I do think it works for Mochi because pup's tumblr blog is small and we tend to check everyone who interacts with us because we like seeing if there's someone else we can follow, or just out of curiosity.

There is definitely the issue of trolls seeing your DNI or trigger list and using that against you, and I wish young people would understand that and keep that in mind when listing things like that publicly, especially if they're not a small account. It seems like most people now just add things like "racists/transphobes/etc" to a DNI list not because they genuinely think it will stop those people from interacting with them, but because literally everyone else does it, or they use it as a way to say "I support trans people/POC/etc". The former can certainly be an issue when it's a group that might not necessarily be bad. I've heard of people adding a group to their DNI just because everyone else did it, despite not knowing much about said group or why no one wants to interact with them. I just think everyone should do their own research before deciding something like that, even if it just means confirming that that group is bad or something you disagree with, because then at least you know for sure. I get that people want to trust their friends' opinions, but sometimes they go a little too far and block out people who aren't really bad and they could've had the chance to get to know better. Honestly, even though I don't talk about certain things on my main twitter/tumblr, it is pretty discouraging to see someone with a long DNI list or include something that I'm into or agree with, and I end up not interacting with them even though I know I'll never talk about it on my main and they would never know that I agree with that thing, or watch a certain show, etc. I just don't want to be around someone who is that quick to judge and form opinions. I've been abused by people like that enough to never want to interact with them. And it's a real shame if they're not really judgmental and just doing it because everyone else does, or genuinely uncomfortable with that subject and not just doing it because they think everyone who is x or does y is evil, because I'll never know because I don't want to take the chance and risk interacting with someone who is wildly opinionated and toxic.

I'm pretty neutral on DNI lists. If I fit into one, I respect it and stay away from the person, but I personally use a different kind of list on my blogs that tells newcomers about my beliefs and views, and I close it off by saying that if they disagree/dislike anything I've put there that we simply won't get along. Nobody has ever come after me for it, and if someone follows or interacts who I staunchly disagree with, then I just block them and move on. Nothing personal. It feels more casual to me and less kind of in your face than a DNI. Honestly, DNIs remind me a LOT of that old phrase I used to see variations of plastered to every MySpace profile; essentially a version of: "If you have a problem with me, I don't care!" It's very reactive to a hypothetical situation that the OP is assuming will 100% happen. I don't think it's necessarily about trying to force others to censor themselves, it more seems like an "offense is the best defense" strat. Either way, I'm sure it will change to something else later. It's just what is popular right now.

also echoing what others have already said in this thread

honestly, the reason we have a DNI on any of our blogs at all is because at this point, it feels like people will look poorly on us for not having one. a lot of blogs, especially in MOGAI spaces, have "anyone can interact" blogs on their own DNIs. as we run a MOGAI archive blog, we encounter these a lot, and we're worried that not having a DNI on our own blog will make people assume we're an "anyone can interact" blog. we're not. we block people who make us uncomfortable because frankly, we don't have the spoons to even run the risk of being dragged into a discourse we don't want to be involved in

it's also uncomfortable how people expect someone to address *every single discourse topic* on their DNIs. there are some things that we, frankly, don't want to be involved in, but we feel the need to mention our opinions on it anyway because otherwise we may get harassed. it's not that our opinions go against the grain, but it's that we just. don't want to be involved. at all

that said, i wish BYFs were more common. lists of opinions and whatnot so someone can tell if they're comfortable following or not. i'm not going to follow someone who's a system exclusionist, for example, but it's not that i'll get mad at them if they reblog some terms we coin

that reminds me of a related topic. in the MOGAI community it's also common for people to say "don't use this term if you're on my DNI" which.... it makes us uncomfortable, honestly. it's policing the identities of others, saying "you can't be this gender because you believe x". it's not a problem we see talked about anywhere and we'd bring it up on our own blog if we weren't so afraid of backlash, lol. we're only starting to dip our foot into the actual community again, we don't need to mess it up

gods. maybe we should go update that DNI into a BYF, while we're thinking about it

- Cecil